This question was sent to me a little while ago, and because it refers to so much of what I’ve battled with and what I’m constantly speaking about, I though it would be helpful to share my response with all of you!
Here’s the question that I was sent:
I’m finding lately that I’m doing a lot of second guessing about things I say during coaching and also during regular conversations with friends pretty much all the time!!!
It happens usually after I call something out and it makes the other person(s) uncomfortable…. I notice the shift in them (or the group) and then I beat myself up. I think this is saboteur as usually I’m saying it to be real and really either wanting to shake things up or talk about the elephant in the room, but I feel badly afterwards. One side of me says, “You need to say it more gently, pose it in a question, have them discover it for themselves.” The other side of me says, “Come on! What the hell is going on here? Get real!”
Is this something similar to your experience? If so, I think what I need to help me here is figure out how to let it go. If I know I’m doing it in service of the client, why can’t I shake it? I think it’s because I’m also feeling selfish afterwards because I know it serves me too?
First of all, yes this is similar to my experience! I thought that my being bold was hurting people or scaring people. The thing is, that when I was only half-bold, when I said what I needed to say but with apology in my voice, it actually made things messier and they required more cleanup. When I finally got to letting myself say the bold and direct things cleanly (without feeling awkward about it) that’s when they started really having an impact.