Well here it is Monday morning and I had an accountability to another set of fantastic coaches whose workshop I just led (you know who you are, and do feel free to comment as you wish).
Speaking of which, and before I get to the homework piece – I just want to say what an honour and privilege it was to lead this workshop for 25 amazing participants who were forging a new trail. I have been working in health care for almost 5 years – and I came to the work because I wanted to make a difference in health care. After my own experiences in 2001 using the system I wanted to give back, and I wanted to improve on the great stuff and help people to work on the parts that are struggling. It didn’t work out exactly as I planned. There were systems issues I struggled with and politics and all the stuff that happens everywhere. But recently, over the last few years it has finally felt like my team is starting to get some traction, to be having an impact, and increasing positivity. YAY!
And now this.
This bringing together of my two worlds. Health care and CTI coach training. To be able to offer up what I do best to people who I know will make good use of it – it is a beautiful thing. I remember when it was just a dream. When Helen Roberts and I were having sneaky conversations off the side of our desks about 3 years ago, plotting and crafting. And now here it is, live and in action. And what a course it was – so powerful, such an amazing combination of excited, open, heart centred people. I am back to feeling the honour and privilege of it, with a side order of gratitude. Feels like this could be the start of something amazing. And I love being of service this way. With people like this. So thank you all, and l am looking forward to the next installment in June!!
Now on to my homework, as promised.
First there is the matter of the inquiry.
What is it to let people love me?
This is big for me, and I phrased it this way for a reason. It is not just about supporting me, although I need it as much as anyone else. But it really is about people loving me, supporting me through love, loving me to my greatness. And it is about letting myself be loved. Really loved, in many ways. I have spent much of my life protecting my heart. Keeping myself safe in one way or another. Still have the instinct. But it doesn’t serve me. Not ultimately. It might stop a wee heart break here and there, but if my heart doesn’t bruise and break every once in a while then it can’t be mended and grow stronger – so really it is a necessary part of growing bigger and being my best me. Resilient and open.
Besides there are so many forms of heart break – to yearn for something just outside your reach, the vulnerability of that is one that I also don’t allow because I would feel such shame if I don’t get it, like it is proof that I am not good enough to have it. And I don’t want to do that publicly – so I don’t admit to all that I want, and I don’t let myself yearn, for fear of the heartbreak. Well it sure is time to stop protecting my heart, because when I have all those walls around it, not only do I not get hurt, I don’t get love. Or anyway I don’t let it in.
So what is it to let people love me? It is to be vulnerable. To know that I will get hurt and my heart might be broken, and I will feel pain – but that all of that is ok.
It is to let people in.
It is to accept that I offer something special ( as I believe we all do) and that people see what and want that and that it matters that I give that. That we world won’t be as good a place if I don’t let myself be loved and I don’t let people love me.
There is probably much more to explore, and that is where I got to so far.
Then there was the matter of hiring a coach. Gulp. Why does it scare me to hire a coach? Maybe it is because I know directly what kind of an impact it can make on our lives. Not even just when you start working with the coach, but through the act of hiring them, even in that moment, we are setting an intention, committing to something, to having a real, big life – one that we can’t create on our own, but with the synergy of another engaged, powerful person, pushing from behind we make our dreams a priority and we do whatever it takes to live our lives to the fullest and come closer to our dreams. Yeah baby!!! So yes, I am scared. And I am excited. And I know that my life is about to change!
What is your next step on the path to changing your life?