As the world transitioned from April to May I made a much bigger transition. I went from my last day as an employee (granted only 3 days a week) in a J-O-B to being a fully self-employed consultant/coach/life changer/magic maker. And boy it feels good. Not that it will always feel good, necessarily, and I am painfully aware of the challenges and pit falls of being self-employed (not least of which is the always hustling feeling and the loneliness), but today, on May 1st, my first day driving this new course, it feels mighty freeing.
Yesterday was a different story. I was frantic, disassociated, spacy, overwhelmed – all, as I tried to get through the mountain of pieces that I needed to close up in order to move on. Now I didn’t get them all closed up (and thank goodness I have such a fantastic – now former – employer and boss that I am able to take the time to close out properly), and some might say because of that I don’t get to fully move on, but I don’t mind the slow transition. And I can feel the change in me: change of perspective, change of focus and change of direction. This is new.
And I am in that interesting neutral zone spoken of by William Bridges – where I have (or maybe am) moved through the letting go and the loss, and am now in that place of potential wild and abundant creativity – a place where I get to choose how I will be, and what flowers I will plant in my garden. I get to choose how to spend my days, and how to structure my time, and where to invest myself. It is super yummy.
Now I am not kidding myself into thinking that it will always feel this spacious, or unburdened. I know there are times I will feel as overwhelmed as before (because let’s face it – how we do one thing is how we do everything, so I am sure to re-create what feels most normal), and I will still need to practise saying NO. And making hard choices, and prioritizing. But for today, just for today – I am going to choose to do what makes my heart sing. I am going to go to the warm spots. I am going to follow my reward-toward response (thanks to knowing about all this), and do what makes me happy. To use that as my prioritization picker. There will be time next week (and I am sure the week after, and so on) for me to do the heavy lifting (or maybe I will keep choosing not to, who knows, today I really do feel like anything is possible), but for now, for today – I choose JOY!!!