I seem to be especially bad at Letting Go. Which is a bit of a drag, since almost every spiritual path I know values it highly, sees it at the path to… well something or other. And I want to get to… something or other.
For me letting go has always been equated with loss, and trauma, and the Bad Stuff. Maybe that is true for lots of you reading this too, and so you are say… “yes, that is what it is about”, but I believe there almost must be another way of viewing it, another perspective that allows me to see what is great about it, and therefore something to embrace and pursue.
When I look at my patterns of living I do a lot of holding on. Even when it is white knuckle holding on, to the stage where the whole universe is showing me that letting go in the best course of action, where letting go is easier than holding on, but in my tenacity I just HOLD.
- I have lived in my current abode for almost 10 years (will be 10 years next month), the one before that 9 years. And that may seem normal to some (and does to me), but I have friends that move every 18 months or so.
- I stay in jobs that have stopped being good for me long past their expiration date (6 year and 5 year tenures – although, again, for some this might seem flighty – but the key is that I was still there after it was clearly time to go, I have, for the record stayed longer at a job, but it is one that is absolutely the right job for me and I thrive it and continue to love it).
- And yes to fill out the triumvirate… relationships – I have stayed in TOO LONG, holding on, trying to make them work (an expression that always cracks me up, but is a bit too close for comfort is: Stick and stay and make it pay), the result of that, staying in relationships that are suffocating me because I don’t want to hurt that person, because I am afraid there is no better other person out there for me, because it is easier than pulling the plug (and in some of those cases that really says something) – is that now I am gun shy to start relationships because I don’t know if I will be able to find my out if they are not for me.
So finding a different way will be hard.
But at its best I believe that Letting Go is about honouring. Honouring other people’s wishes, honouring the natural ebbs and flows of the universe, honouring diversity. There are forces bigger than me at play. This I know. But for some reason, trusting that they know more than me is a shortcoming of mine, even when I have had plenty of evidence to the contrary. Allowing other truths, other priorities, other paths – this can fill me with fear and dread and leave me … holding on for dear life. Mine or someone else’s.
Love, Trust, Acceptance and Faith. These are the qualities that it would serve me to tenaciously hold onto, and pursue. These are the elements that would allow me to move away from my agendas and into a wider space of BEING and allowing. And it seems to me the only way to do so is the same way one holds on – focus, and one day at a time.
And that is the place I will point my toes, over the next weeks and months of my journey.
How about you? Where do you want to make a change in how you are seeing life?