Protecting Them/Protecting Me

Ok that is it – I am busting myself!!!!!!!!!!!

I protect people. Which shouldn’t be a bad thing, but it is. It has become a bad thing. It has become a way that I stay small, and I hold others small and I limit all of our growth. YUCK.

So the protecting can look all sorts of ways, but some examples include: not asking for what I desire; not telling people when something they are doing is hurting me – instead I just soldier on, deal with it elsewhere, or override it; not inviting people to things that I assume will make them uncomfortable; not being fully myself if I think that might make someone uncomfortable; not letting people know the impact they are having… the list goes on. Needless to say it is not working so well.

If for no other reason (but there are lots of other reasons) than that kind of behaviour stems from an insidious, and shameful (at least in coming from someone who teaches coaching for a living) view that someone might not be able to cope, to deal with the truth or my feelings or some such…. Yes I am about to say it… that someone might not be Naturally Creative Resourceful and Whole (sacrilege) . I mean how disrespectful is that?!? Not to mention that in my so doing (or not doing as the case may be) I might be keeping someone from a bottom, from some growth and from a fuller experience of life.

So there. I have said it. Revealed that rather nasty secret. So now that it is out – let’s dig a little deeper and see what is underneath (because what else are we going to do with deep, dark secrets right?).

What is really going on is that I am just trying to protect myself, from pain, from feelings, from outcomes I don’t want. I am trying to control my life and my circumstances. Trying to “do it right”, trying to “look good” – in short trying to avoid danger.

But since I not only love this quote by Helen Keller, but have actually named one of my values after it…

Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.

It is time to change this habit that is running and ruining (ok, maybe that last one is a bit dramatic, but I liked the alliteration of it) my life.

And how am I going to do that? Like everything else… one day at a time. With the help of friends. By being Honest, Open and Willing. By doing my best and only doing my part.

Oh, and here’s something else. From here on in I am doing all my CTI coached in front of the room homework on my blog – thanks Calgary Synergy – because there is less room for me to hide and a deeper exploration possible through the commitment and accountability.

Because really, a t the core, I want to grow (and think that we all do), and I am willing to do whatever it takes to be at the top of my game – including expose myself, weaknesses, vulnerabilities and all.

Look out world – ready or not… HERE I COME!!!