I have a core wound that centres around being afraid to be Wrong. Not in the small sense of the word, like getting something wrong, or doing something wrong (I do that all the time, and it doesn’t even hurt) – but actually being Wrong, fundamentally, as a human being. A fear that I am defective, that I am never quite good enough – and that I need to work hard to try to be not wrong, or fix the wrongness in me or something equally ridiculous and unreasonable. That is the thing about core wounds, right, they aren’t rational, and can’t be reasoned away. Rather they are like ghosts that haunt us and hunt us, in our weak moments when it is harder to see the truth that we are all divine in our imperfection, including me.
Recently my Wrong Wound has been triggered. “If only I did that one thing differently, if only I did it right, then everything would work out the way I want it to.” As I said: haunted and hunted. The bright lights and fancy footwork of it gets my attention, the lie is hidden behind the big curtain, just like in the Wizard of Oz. Needless to say it has been triggered by me speaking my truth, not withholding what is there to say and being powerfully honest. As I have said before, this is not a comfortable place, which is why I am being triggered into my ouchy spots, the ones I usually try to hide from the light.
But there is hope!
The Obstacle is the Path.
If I want to get over this “being wrong” thing, this “trying to do it right” obsession… guess what … instead of trying to avoid this feeling of being wrong (because we know it is just a feeling, not a fact), why not dive into it, head first. Why not create experiences where I get to have that feeling, and just let it wash over me, over and over again, and allow myself to go through it until such time as it no longer hurts (this is of course the wise suggestion of my brother). The trick is not minding the pain. And knowing that when we face it, it is not nearly as awful as we think it will be. We live through it, and better yet, we get over it. Over ourselves, over the fear, and over the pain.
Did a test run yesterday. Not only did I feel compelled to speak a hard truth (I had been prevaricating with a sanitized, white washed, intellectual version of what was really happening for me – the safe story. And I needed to correct it with the truth of my current pain and joy – feeling it while I spoke of it, in that raw vulnerable way that brings me closer to my higher power and my own divinity), doing so would be to break some rules, do it “wrong”, and risk pissing off 20 or so people. I did it anyway. It paid off, I felt better about myself, more exposed and vulnerable, and at least 5 people came up to me afterwards and thanked me for my honesty. Letting me know opens room for them to be more real. And isn’t that the point. More real, more connected, more compassion, more courage. That is a world I want to live in, so that is the world I need to create. One truth at a time.
What is the truth you need to share right now?
What is holding you back?
Are you more interested in the reason you are holding back, or in your freedom and joy?
So go share your truth!!!