This is a magic question. What do I feel like doing next? As is “what do I feel like saying next?”. The power is in the not knowing what will come from it. I can’t plan it, the outcome, or control it. It is beyond me. Bigger than me. When I get into the zone of this, this question then wait for the answer, then do what I am feeling called to do (or say), then a higher intelligence kicks in. I can trust that. Well theoretically I can trust that. But boy do I fight it. Instead of allowing this magic, I struggle, I force what I think I ought to be doing, I fulfill the obligation that I committed to 3 weeks ago. Three weeks ago when I had no idea what I would, or even might, be feeling in this moment.
And each moment it fresh. It changes constantly, and new information changes the old information, and changes the changes. It is very fluid. Very feminine in fact. And requires both trust, as I have already mentioned, but also surrender.
It is the feminine part that draws me (that and the fact that I simply can’t keep doing it the way I am doing it right now – all forcing, and deciding what is next but overriding my heart’s yearning). That place of allowing and being ok with the spontaneity of it all, and the unknown. While I have always loved the goddess I haven’t always been able to do her justice, to represent her well here on the planet. I try. But even trying is a bit on the masculine side of the house. So as I shift to a more mature me – there seems to be more room for this.
But that said, this ruling my world by “What do I want to do next?”, it seems a bit anti-social to me, something I have to do when I am alone because I don’t want to take others through the ebb and flow of my changing desires. And yet I don’t want to just do this when I am alone, or be always alone so that I can do this. Seems a bit convoluted as I write this, but that is exactly what is happening inside my head, convolution.
So what is the outcome, you might ask? Where does this all lead? Does it really work, or just make your life crazy?
Well mostly what happens is that when I do enough of what I want, the well gets filled up and then I have the energy and excitement and commitment to do some of those things that I know I “need” to do, but they don’t feel quite like obligations any more. Because I am more resourced. So I get them done more joyfully. And that is a miracle. In fact, the trend that I sometimes have of putting things that are exciting and fun for me to do on a list, and then doing the things on that list that are first while the fun things lose their spark, their shininess, and frankly their fun. Well this is the opposite of that. It is putting the excitement back into life.
And surely there is more to learn about this. Does it work in all situations? How do I do that during a work day? How can it be done with others around who also have their own “what do THEY want to do next?” moment?
That is all still to be explored. I will keep you posted (literally). And maybe you can join me in the experiment and keep me posted too!!
