As part of my Brene Brown Daring Greatly Read Along book discussion group… I will be regularly blogging about what I am learning, how I am stretching, what I am experimenting with, where I am falling, how I am picking myself back up, etc. Both because it is good for me… to expose my vulnerability, but also because it supports opening up a forum (for the participants of the book discussion group, or anyone!!) for dialogue about this powerful subject… so here goes.
What really stood out for me in the introduction of the book is this idea of “less thinking, more feeling”. I forget to make room for my heart, I am so busy in the hiding and covering over when I feel vulnerable (mostly by having my act together, being competent and reasonable, and thinking, thinking, thinking) that it gets relegated to the back burner, if that. I don’t like being messy, I want to have it all together and to avoid looking bad (which is odd because I do know that many people see me as someone who lets it all swing out there – but when it comes to certain areas of my life, not so much). If I want access to my most authentic, vulnerable self, the part of me that connects deeply and knows that I belong because of who I am not what I do – then I need to make room for it. I need to open to my own feelings.
And I need to notice when I am at the choice point… that of choosing either MORE connection, or LESS connection. There is always a moment:
- do I go deeper into the conversation or get on with the next point;
- do I ask how someone is doing, really doing;
- share how I am REALLY feeling when people ask “how are you?”;
- do I ignore the look of pain, tiredness, irritation on someone’s face or get curious.
First step is seeing the moment. Second step is being CONSCIOUS about my choice in that moment.
My commitment coming off of this week is a Daily Practice (capitalized in the style of Winnie the Pooh) of at regular intervals stopping (in my tracks if need be) and checking in with myself about what I am feeling. And if I am feeling something to make room for it, and tell someone if possible.
Not sure how I am going to make that live. How many times a day do I want to do it? At regular intervals (like every hour on the hour), or just randomly? And how do I remind myself? I need structures for this and I am not really a structure person. Anyone have any suggestions of what has worked for them?
I am a bit scared about doing this, because I reckon there is a bit of a backlog of feeling, just waiting…for enough room and respect to be shown, so they can leap out. That is not inherently a bad thing, but then I am a bit concerned they will ambush me, hijack me, kidnap me. Essentially render my paralyzed and unable to function doing my regular day to day tasks. Yikes. But try it I will. And learn from it I have no doubt. Stay tuned.
And what are you committing to do this week? And how can we support you?