Ok, I have at least 7 half written blog posts. Almost ready to go, just needs the extra words, the extra time, the extra push. What gives? What is holding me back? Me, who likes writing. Me, who loves an audience and creating for an audience. I don’t get it!
What’s stopping me?
Is the over all topic not enough FUN for me to keep pushing, keep digging in deeper to find what else there is to say (like the one I did on Cancer – Team Signy, it just kept on giving topic ideas all over the place – hot, frothy topic ideas)? It is such a wide open field, that just seems crazy.
Well maybe it is because I am short on time. But everyone is short on time. It seems like just an excuse. I could do the age old trick of giving myself 15 minutes on the clock and seeing what I come up with, and just plain old post it, whatever it is. This is after all – Signy Unleashed, it doesn’t need to be perfect, or always inspiring or whatever my saboteur makes up.
And yet there is something in there. The perfectionist, the wanting it to be just right, to have enough value or why bother. My random ramblings can’t have value in and of themselves. My free form expression, surely, can’t be enough. But what if who I am, just as I am, and what I have to say, just as it is – what if that is enough? What if I don’t need to be different from how I am? What if I can just breathe deeply, trust, allow and follow my own impulse – write what I feel and be ok with it. Be ok with me.
How would that change my day? My life?
Doesn’t it have a ring to it? A kind of peaceful , albeit elusive, quality.
How would it change the world – if we all trusted ourselves more, if we all liked ourselves just the way we were? And if we could extend the same to those around us (although let’s be honest – I think there is a way where giving it to ourselves is the hardest thing, yes?). If we stopped trying to change ourselves and others (changing ourselves is of course different from continuing to evolve, naturally)? And just enjoyed what is, right now, present moment. Just the thought of it brings a deep exhale to my throat. I kind of softening. A gentle quality.
And if I nurtured that gentle quality – if I whispered sweet nothings into it’s ear and promised to love it always and forever… to never forsake it. And If I upheld my end of the bargain…
How would my life be different?