Vancouver Process – here is me checking in as promised on my learning…
I have had a hard time being vulnerable. Really exposing myself, presenting all of me, all the time, being transparent. It stands out enough for me that I have started to dig deeper on this whole concept of Vulnerability. What stands in my way? Where do I hold back? Why do I hold back? What can I do about it, at a core, fundamental level, not a ‘do it for 1 week’ level?
The dark underbelly is not pretty.
But it is real, and in sharing the real I grow, and in fact I also believe that others get to grow and be inspired along with me. So here I am, bringing it to the page. Again.
This week I started reading Brene Brown’s book The Gift of Imperfection. It is so rich and so powerful and speaks to the human condition. I see myself in it, love her humour and honestly, Yes – I have a girl crush on her. And she deserves it.
Some of what I learned is:
- For connection to happen we need to be truly seen
- We need to let go of who we think we should be, to be who we really are
- We can’t selectively numb emotions. If we numb some, like the yucky ones, we numb them all, including the yummy ones
- We need to love with our whole heart, even though there are no guarantees
- We need to believe that we are enough
- We need to practise joy and gratitude, even in moments of terror
It is time for me to make a major overhaul. It is time for me to change how I am being in the world, from my core. This is not to say that I am not real, and vulnerable, and transparent – I know that I am probably more so than most people. Some people might even see me as a role model in this way, and I don’t want to minimize that, and I also know there is more to go. And now is the time to start giving myself over to the experiment and the discovery. Because I don’t want to wait another moment to free this key part of myself, and to live my life even more fully.
In discussing both the Protecting Them/Protecting Me post and the 50 No Challenge post with my friend Mary Heffernan, she suggested that for the month of August I let go of trying to get the 50 No’s (so Calgary Synergy, putting you on notice that I am re-negotiating my homework) and instead focus on zero protecting. Instead just saying what is there, transparent, unedited. Trusting that people can handle it. Yikes. I like it and it feels like I might need to work my way into it a bit. And then again maybe not. Maybe it is that I need to continue to hold space to reflect and explore instead of just doing it blindingly without having a continuous feedback loop. Like a weekly check in: how is it going, what am I learning. In order to keep it alive and fresh.
So there we have it. August is Honest month. Starting… obviously today. And we will see where it leads. I will update you as I go along the journey.
Anyone want to join me?
I am going to join you!
Yes to Zero protecting.
Creative, resourceful and whole.
That you are…. so am I ….so are they!
Growl Leo woman.
Love Patti-Jo
I am sending you a big hug!!! Way to honor who you are and where you want to go! I’m in a similar place right now and feel inspired by your vulnerability! Its not easy! Its scary and uncomfortable but what’s the alternative??? I choose freedom-freedom to feel all of it!! Cheers to your courage, honesty with yourself, awareness, commitment and keeping it real Signy!!
Namaste
Joely
Signy, As a member of the Calgary Synergy group I’m happy to hear you openly re-negotiating your homework to be more meaningful for you. After all its your journey of discovery which you are so openly generous in sharing with us. i would like to join your conversation about honesty. I admit to being a little uneasy about what I might discover or come face to face with. It creates some freshness to planning, doing and reflecting on each day or the direction your life is headed or just a conversation you may be having with someone. I’ve started by writing the word “honesty” at the top of the next page in my journal. What will I learn in the process and what will I learn from you and others? Ben
Ben, I love where you are looking!! And the more the merrier to come on this journey of discovery – we can all share the ups and downs and what we learn.
So far I have learned that I describe what I am up to in colourful language and that that can shut people down (and I don’t mean swearing colourful – although that is not beyond me, but rather evocative, bone chilling language). If I were to present it differently, in less of a “brace yourself, I am about to be honest” way – it might create less ripples, and so less fear and backlash, and so be better received. I am creating some of the hesitancy around me (we always have a chunk of the responsibility, right?). Therefore I can choose to create more receptiveness.
On to day 2.
Signy
Signy,
I had the great pleasure of having you as a leader for Synergy in Toronto in April. And the coaching/awakening/life altering session of that Sunday still resonates in my mind daily. This post about Vulnerability hit home hard and I, the ‘B.not so I.T.C.H.’ (Babe not so In Total Control of Herself) to finally dare to be vulnerable in a self-loving way and dare true honesty to myself and others and let go of fear of . I would like to join your August Honesty month and feel like I am stepping into lalaland, curious to see what is waiting for me on the other side of true honesty and vulnerability. And as you wrote – We need to believe we are good enough!! Wow! The first time I felt this strongly about a post that I post a reply. I have a feeling I will learn a lot in August. 🙂 Thank you for being so open and inviting us to share with you in this Honesty month.
Lise
Wow, I am encouraged and inspired by all these strong responses! Thanks everyone for your support and calling forth (for yourselves and for me). It is great to go on the journey with others :). Already I am having many messy conversations. It is a bit daunting. Saying stuff I would normally just push down. Letting the chips fall where they may. This could be a long month!
So,here is the crappy part about this little experiment… I have put myself into the position of having to have the some conversations that I have been putting off for quite some time. There is a reason I have been putting them off. They are really hard and painful. This path of “practicing authenticity” is a bit rocky. I am just assuming and hoping that at the end of it there is some magic, that place of fulfillment where we are living our values even though it is hard. That isn’t much comfort right now.
Signy you’re doing it! It’s mucky and uncomfortable and unresolved and that all just means that you are making change. If this post said “Authenticity and vulnerability are fabulous! It’s so much fun! Yay!” then we would know for sure that nothing is changing. Discomfort and yuckiness are awesome signs that you are in the midst of change. Important change. Stay open to learning; stay curious; know that we are all creative resourceful and whole, and just keep swimming, swimming, swimming …
Yay Paula, so right, and isn’t it great that we all know that – that very fact is what is changing our world right now. There are places where we can be human without being shamed for it. Bless you all!!