Vancouver Process – here is me checking in as promised on my learning…
I have had a hard time being vulnerable. Really exposing myself, presenting all of me, all the time, being transparent. It stands out enough for me that I have started to dig deeper on this whole concept of Vulnerability. What stands in my way? Where do I hold back? Why do I hold back? What can I do about it, at a core, fundamental level, not a ‘do it for 1 week’ level?
The dark underbelly is not pretty.
But it is real, and in sharing the real I grow, and in fact I also believe that others get to grow and be inspired along with me. So here I am, bringing it to the page. Again.
This week I started reading Brene Brown’s book The Gift of Imperfection. It is so rich and so powerful and speaks to the human condition. I see myself in it, love her humour and honestly, Yes – I have a girl crush on her. And she deserves it.
Some of what I learned is:
- For connection to happen we need to be truly seen
- We need to let go of who we think we should be, to be who we really are
- We can’t selectively numb emotions. If we numb some, like the yucky ones, we numb them all, including the yummy ones
- We need to love with our whole heart, even though there are no guarantees
- We need to believe that we are enough
- We need to practise joy and gratitude, even in moments of terror
It is time for me to make a major overhaul. It is time for me to change how I am being in the world, from my core. This is not to say that I am not real, and vulnerable, and transparent – I know that I am probably more so than most people. Some people might even see me as a role model in this way, and I don’t want to minimize that, and I also know there is more to go. And now is the time to start giving myself over to the experiment and the discovery. Because I don’t want to wait another moment to free this key part of myself, and to live my life even more fully.
In discussing both the Protecting Them/Protecting Me post and the 50 No Challenge post with my friend Mary Heffernan, she suggested that for the month of August I let go of trying to get the 50 No’s (so Calgary Synergy, putting you on notice that I am re-negotiating my homework) and instead focus on zero protecting. Instead just saying what is there, transparent, unedited. Trusting that people can handle it. Yikes. I like it and it feels like I might need to work my way into it a bit. And then again maybe not. Maybe it is that I need to continue to hold space to reflect and explore instead of just doing it blindingly without having a continuous feedback loop. Like a weekly check in: how is it going, what am I learning. In order to keep it alive and fresh.
So there we have it. August is Honest month. Starting… obviously today. And we will see where it leads. I will update you as I go along the journey.
Anyone want to join me?