Vulnerability Archives - Signy Wilson: Get Inspired, Get Real

A Year in the Life of Grief

So it is one year to the day since my dad died. It’s been a hard year, in so many ways.

A year in the life of grief

Partly (duh?) the grief. The heartrending missing of someone who was (is) so important to me. Oh the number of moments this year, especially early on, when I wanted to reach out and talk to him about:

some detail of life (like my cat’s silly antics, or that the cherry blossoms were out already)
some big news story (the triple crown winner, the Queen’s prof who got a Nobel Prize, the results of the national election all come to mind)
something that we had shared before so many times (a phone call blow by blow conversation about the election)
his advice on something (where to go when in Scotland, how to deal with stroppy tradesmen, what to do with conflicting work priorities)

And each one of those moments, leading to an outpouring of tears. Let’s face it, standing at his gravestone, asking, but not getting answers the way I can understand them … just doesn’t cut it.Read More >>>

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The Trouble with Grief …

…is that it is inconsistent, unpredictable and sneaky. It’s like just when you feel safely over it, like things are finally starting to return to normal, then BAM, it jumps out from behind a tree and grabs you by the throat. And when I say you, I mean me.

Obstacles – what are you doing about them?

Obstacles… those pesky things that get between us and our dreams!

In today’s #StepIntoGreatness video, I share what my two biggest obstacles are and what I’m doing about them!

Enjoy!

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STOP

H ow many of us need to hear this?

We all seem to be rushing around in our lives right now. It has become not just the new normal, but the new status symbol. “I’m just too busy to connect right now”. Rushing is evidence that we are important, or needed, or irreplaceable – or something.
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Cellular Alignment

What I mean by that is that place where I connect with a person so thoroughly, so easily, so synergistically that it is as if our very cells were aligned with one another. I don’t think it is just a soul mate thing, although certainly that must be some of what is at play when people have that deep connect with a romantic partner. For me I believe it is a principle that cuts through many relationships. Or at least should.
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My Brave New World

It is a new day and new week (and almost a new month) – and new world. I have just come off of what I think will be my last insane work marathon – now stepping into a different way of doing my life. I was hoping and expecting it would be a feeling of relief, euphoria and spaciousness. Instead I am experiencing a touch of anxiety – like a “Now what?”.
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Letting Go

I seem to be especially bad at Letting Go. Which is a bit of a drag, since almost every spiritual path I know values it highly, sees it at the path to… well something or other. And I want to get to… something or other.

For me letting go has always been equated with loss, and trauma, and the Bad Stuff. Maybe that is true for lots of you reading this too, and so you are say… “yes, that is what it is about”, but I believe there almost must be another way of viewing it, another perspective that allows me to see what is great about it, and therefore something to embrace and pursue.
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It’s Time

When I stand in the perspective of It’s Time – there is a chill that runs through my body. To me it means so many things. It is a kind of a battle cry – a place to move from, to get into action and to stop making other things more important. More important than what you might ask? Well, more important than my dreams, more important than what’s important to me, and in fact more important than me. And that doesn’t work. So the procrastinating, the getting my inbox cleaned out, the worrying what others think of how I am spending my time, the doing for others, the taking care of them first – all of it. It’s time to set that aside.
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Loneliness is my Friend

There are days, after a long (or even very long) week of work that when I am finally done with the hustle and bustle and busy and overwhelmed that instead of collapsing into a beautiful fallow period of space with gratitude I feel achingly lonely. Lonely to the point of all I want to do is call a dozen people and see what they are up to, so that I can hang with them and not have to feel that feeling. Lonely. I even feel a bit ashamed as I write it. Feeling lonely must mean I am alone, being alone must mean that I am unworthy of having someone around me. It stops me in my tracks.

It is a sneaky insidious place for me, this lonely ache, because calling a bunch of people, and it is not like I don’t have a lot to choose from, and doing anything with anyone does not relieve the feeling. Sometimes it just makes it worse. And why might that be, you ask (or at least the coach in me hopes that you ask)?
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The Coach’s Coach

Well here it is Monday morning and I had an accountability to another set of fantastic coaches whose workshop I just led (you know who you are, and do feel free to comment as you wish).

Speaking of which, and before I get to the homework piece – I just want to say what an honour and privilege it was to lead this workshop for 25 amazing participants who were forging a new trail. I have been working in health care for almost 5 years – and I came to the work because I wanted to make a difference in health care. After my own experiences in 2001 using the system I wanted to give back, and I wanted to improve on the great stuff and help people to work on the parts that are struggling. It didn’t work out exactly as I planned. There were systems issues I struggled with and politics and all the stuff that happens everywhere. But recently, over the last few years it has finally felt like my team is starting to get some traction, to be having an impact, and increasing positivity. YAY!
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