Today is my day. My cancer free day. So no, it’s not that I am declaring it International Cancer Free Day (although it does have a ring to it, doesn’t it?). But I am reminded and inspired. May 16th. It will be forever seared into my memory. I am celebrating my 12 years clean of cancer (for some reason they mark it on the day of surgery, and don’t consider all of those pesky other things like, I don’t know, chemotherapy and radiation that often follow). Pretty good hey?!
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Posts Tagged: Vancouver
Loneliness is my Friend
There are days, after a long (or even very long) week of work that when I am finally done with the hustle and bustle and busy and overwhelmed that instead of collapsing into a beautiful fallow period of space with gratitude I feel achingly lonely. Lonely to the point of all I want to do is call a dozen people and see what they are up to, so that I can hang with them and not have to feel that feeling. Lonely. I even feel a bit ashamed as I write it. Feeling lonely must mean I am alone, being alone must mean that I am unworthy of having someone around me. It stops me in my tracks.
It is a sneaky insidious place for me, this lonely ache, because calling a bunch of people, and it is not like I don’t have a lot to choose from, and doing anything with anyone does not relieve the feeling. Sometimes it just makes it worse. And why might that be, you ask (or at least the coach in me hopes that you ask)?
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Last Day – First Day
As the world transitioned from April to May I made a much bigger transition. I went from my last day as an employee (granted only 3 days a week) in a J-O-B to being a fully self-employed consultant/coach/life changer/magic maker. And boy it feels good. Not that it will always feel good, necessarily, and I am painfully aware of the challenges and pit falls of being self-employed (not least of which is the always hustling feeling and the loneliness), but today, on May 1st, my first day driving this new course, it feels mighty freeing.
Yesterday was a different story. I was frantic, disassociated, spacy, overwhelmed – all, as I tried to get through the mountain of pieces that I needed to close up in order to move on. Now I didn’t get them all closed up (and thank goodness I have such a fantastic – now former – employer and boss that I am able to take the time to close out properly), and some might say because of that I don’t get to fully move on, but I don’t mind the slow transition. And I can feel the change in me: change of perspective, change of focus and change of direction. This is new.
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The Coach’s Coach
Well here it is Monday morning and I had an accountability to another set of fantastic coaches whose workshop I just led (you know who you are, and do feel free to comment as you wish).
Speaking of which, and before I get to the homework piece – I just want to say what an honour and privilege it was to lead this workshop for 25 amazing participants who were forging a new trail. I have been working in health care for almost 5 years – and I came to the work because I wanted to make a difference in health care. After my own experiences in 2001 using the system I wanted to give back, and I wanted to improve on the great stuff and help people to work on the parts that are struggling. It didn’t work out exactly as I planned. There were systems issues I struggled with and politics and all the stuff that happens everywhere. But recently, over the last few years it has finally felt like my team is starting to get some traction, to be having an impact, and increasing positivity. YAY!
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Gratitude Sunday
It’s Gratitude Sunday! What are you grateful for this Sunday? Here’s my list…
To see more about what Gratitude Sunday is, check out my original blog post. If you’d like to see more of my past Gratitude Sundays, you can see Thanksgiving Gratitude Sunday, October 14th, October 21st, and October 28th.
Gratitude Sunday
It’s Gratitude Sunday! What are you grateful for this Sunday? Here’s my list…
To see more about what Gratitude Sunday is, check out my original blog post. If you’d like to see more of my past Gratitude Sundays, you can see Thanksgiving Gratitude Sunday, October 14th, and October 21st.
Expressing Gratitude
With a title like that you might have expected me to express some gratitude – and eventually I will, I promise, but to begin I want to tell you a bit about some of the current research on the practice of gratitude – so that you know why I am starting to engage in this as a regular practice, and why I am inviting YOU to join me.
Sonja Lyubomirsky researched (and wrote about in her great book: The How of Happiness) the happiness activity of Practicing Gratitude and Positive Thinking. Here is some of what she said about why it is so powerful.
Gratitude is an antidote to negative emotions, a neutralizer of hostility, envy, worry and irritation. Defined by the world’s most prominent researcher and writer on gratitude, Robert Emmons, as “a felt sense of wonder, thankfulness and appreciation for life”. Expressing gratitude bolsters self-worth and self-esteem, it helps people cope with stress and trauma (by focusing on how good life is as oppose to how much better it could be), it can help people adjust to new circumstances and move on with life, and it inhibits comparisons with others.
Sonja goes on to say there is a whole range of WAYS that you can practice gratitude, finding the one that works best for you is important in being able to maintain it and make if fun (ok, I said the part about the fun, but really… if it isn’t fun, what is the point?). Further to that, mixing up different strategies, to keep the practice fresh, is also important.
- Gratitude Journal – doesn’t take much explaining. Ponder and record the 3 to 5 things for which you are currently grateful, from “the mundane to the magnificent”. The research suggests that on average doing this once a week is most likely to boost happiness. (Which, obviously, is why I am now going to be doing this practice weekly, on my blog, and posting to FB, every Sunday and why I invite you to play along). You can keep this fresh by dedicating different weeks to different areas of your life to count your blessings in.
- Other paths to gratitude – everyone needs to find the way that works best for them, maybe you want to pick one thing that you are taking for granted, and really acknowledge and appreciate it. Or you might want to pick an ungrateful thought and find the way to substitute a grateful one for it. Or find a buddy to do this activity with [again, one more reason I am going to do this publicly, and would love to hear what you are grateful for].
- Express gratitude directly to another – is there someone in your life that you owe a debt of gratitude? Find a way to concretely and directly express that to them, write a letter and give it them, go to visit them, whatever works for you. BTW, research suggests that even just writing the letter creates substantial boosts in happiness, regardless of whether you give it to them.
So here is where I am going with this… once a week, on Sunday (seems like a good day for gratitude), I am going to list 5 things for which I am currently grateful. My invitation to you is to participate right along with me. List your 3 to 5 things that you are currently grateful for. And then, during the week, if you are having a crappy day, or a frustrating time, or whatever, return to this blog and remember. Remember GRATITUDE and remember what you are grateful for, and hey, maybe even write up what you are grateful for in this new moment.
Who’s in?
Here is my first list of 5 things I am grateful for right now…
Wanting MORE
Ok, just got some painful feedback, not that receiving it was painful, but the truth of it is painful.
This related to my last post.
I don’t want enough, either often enough or grandly enough. Or maybe “desire” is a better word. But either way I don’t put myself out enough, don’t ask for what is in my heart enough. Somewhere along the road I decided that wanting less would make me more desirable. Would make me easier (because let’s face it, I wasn’t that easy in my youth). It is one of the ways that I play small and try to chop off my toes and my heels to fit into the Cinderella shoes.
IT WAS A LIE!!! And worse than that… it was a lie that I told myself.
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Chemotherapy
Sept 6, 2001 was the day of my last round (god willing forever) of chemotherapy. It was a good day, and a hard day. By this time I was completely bald, exhausted, unable to sleep or eat. They had told me that chemotherapy was cumulative. I didn’t really understand what they meant. I mean I understood it, but I didn’t get it, how it would feel, what it would really be like in my body. And I am such a body person, that is where it really comes home for me.
So anyway, they were right, and it was hard.Read More >>>
A Time and a Place
So here’s an idea (didn’t my grandmother once say this to me?): there is a time and a place for everything. And not any time and not every place is the right one.
Authenticity is groovy and all, but there is also a reason we learned to bite our tongue, to bide our time, and to pick the right spot when we were young. Here is some of what I am noticing (and hopefully learning)…
