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Get inspired… Get real… Get Signy!
I didn’t know I was holding my breath, until I stopped.
Just had a significant conversation. Significant in that it revealed to me just how much I had been sitting on my hands, driving with the breaks on, not being fully expressed, fabulous me (btw – that is not just straight arrogance – I feel we are all fabulous selves, just waiting for that full expression). The conversation didn’t change my circumstances any, just changed how I feel about them.
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Ok that is it – I am busting myself!!!!!!!!!!!
I protect people. Which shouldn’t be a bad thing, but it is. It has become a bad thing. It has become a way that I stay small, and I hold others small and I limit all of our growth. YUCK.
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What does vulnerability have to do with YES? Everything.
As I have been stepping more into the vulnerability – asking for what is important to me, but doing so from the place of surrender, knowing that I could get a No, even to my dreams… I am getting more yeses. Hmmm. Go figure. To me I always assumed that the more vulnerable, and exposed I was, the weaker I was and the more likely I was to get taken advantage of, treated like a doormat, and generally misused and abused. Power and strength were the only things that could keep me safe.
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First thing I am noticing, during my little “No” experiment… not all nos are created equal. Or maybe more to the point, not all expressions of desire/requests are the same. They carry different weight, depending on a number of things. And in fact there are certain themes in what holds me back from expressing a desire or making a request.
If I want something really badly, if I am aching for it to happen… well, you guessed it, even if I can manage to ask it with a tone that SOUNDS neutral, it just isn’t. My attachment is apparent, somehow. And since it is not requested freely, since there isn’t actually much room for “no”, even if the no is completely legitimate, it impacts me. I get irritable, or sad, or whatever. I interpret why there is a no. I make meaning of the no. Long and short of it – it gets all messy inside my head, and I usually need someone to go in there and pull me out. Not fun for them or me, and especially not fun for the (relatively) innocent bystander who received the request. The core fear behind this is that I am don’t want to get rejected, because it just means so darn much to me. Which, obviously, is a set up.
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This weekend, while teaching a coach training program in Calgary, I got tag team coached by the participants. Getting coached in front of the room is always powerful. It needs to be real, and yet it also needs to be big. And it has to be especially so for this course, the last in the series. So I have to dip into what is current in my life, where I am struggling, really struggling, and focus on something that, if coached effectively could result in a powerful breakthrough for me.
Yikes, what was I getting myself into.
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11 years ago today my friend Rhiannon flew across the country to be with me. She wrote me this poem, in honour of me and blue denim day.
Strange day…
I have travelled 3000 miles
Her hand to hold
Warm in my own
as I remember, always
To sit awhile
To pray…
While she slumbers,
Dreams unnatural dreams
And wakes to find the world has changed…
For want of better.
And I will sit…
Here
Silent in my prayers
For however long it takes…
Forever
And blue denim I will wear for you.
~ Rhiannon Dacosta, May 15, 2001
21 days…. What would you do if you had 21 days to focus on you?
Would you finally pick up that journal and take the time to truly reflect? Would you find ways to increase your happiness in everyday life? Would you take a step back and participate in something that makes you feel refreshed and fulfilled? Would you take that leap into creating a healthy body, mind, and spirit?
I’m inviting YOU to join the party…. our virtual launch party, that is! Today, Pink Launch Party celebrates the launch of wonderful new products that put creative writing, coaching from the body, extreme self care, and recipes for joy on the centre stage.
If you feel like you need to focus some time on your happiness and health, or if you need to take a step back to reflect on yourself and your life, then it might be time to investigate one of these new 21-day challenges.
Included in the products is my new e-course, called Signy’s 21-Day Self Care Challenge. In this course you will:
I encourage you to take that leap and check out the opportunities!
Ok, I have at least 7 half written blog posts. Almost ready to go, just needs the extra words, the extra time, the extra push. What gives? What is holding me back? Me, who likes writing. Me, who loves an audience and creating for an audience. I don’t get it!
What’s stopping me?
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I have this thing. An unexamined (until now that is) belief that to have “we”, as in relationship of any form, I need to give up “me”, both my independence but also my self expression, my Signy-ness. Not surprisingly, given my nature, which leaks out even in the title of my blog (Unleashed), I am not really all about giving up the “me”.
That is not to say I haven’t done it, in my youth, and in some relationships and in some jobs. Sold out the true expression of who I am to fit in, or belong, or be loved… or something. And it sort of works, for a while, but then I start to bust out, to break free, gosh darn it… to be myself again.
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During my time away on vacation I had planned to blog my heart out, to capture exciting morsels and post them. Who knew that there were places in the world that still don’t have easy access internet (and some of you might say Thank God). Well, Sandbanks National Park is one of those. So I will just have to hold it all in until I get home, which hopefully will be sooner than any of us expect.
